the present
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K’. First of all, not only are you the biggest whore I have ever met, you’re a goddamned metabolic organism. THat's right. M-E-T-A-B-O-L-I-C. I mean, what’s with it? It’s like your nutrition (well…your food) fuels your metabolism. I also cannot believe you had the audacity to delve into the Kit-Cat. Do you recall how much time and effort and thought I put into its creation? Yes. That’s right. A good hour. When I should have been studying. Speaking of studying, what are you doing? I hope you’re not studying.
You make me sooo jealous. No, not because you’re a skank. Well, yes, I suppose that, too. But that’s because of you complimenting all the women as they walk by. I mean, who does that? You said this yourself, Tip #5, Do not compliment other women to OTHER WOMEN! I mean, what’s with that? GET with the TIMES. In addition to eating the Kit-Cat and being a whore, and metabolic, and intelligent…wait. Is there more? Oh yes, not only that, but you suck at typing! I mean, how can you do so well and not know how to spell ETIQUETTE! “Edicate”. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! Oh right. Your cranium makes me jealous. Ragingly so. Well no. I'm happy for you. But now I feel like even a bigger idiot. Clearly, I must be. Why don't you just admit it already!!! It's so painfully obvious. Yes. I am an idiot. Someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery, thank you. My tooth hurts.
Boobage. Is that a word? Of course it’s not a word! “I imagine he’s oblivious” and what do you do? You look up oblivious! If I’m making too much fun of you here, you could inform me, but I guess it’s too late because you’ve already read it. Oh well. I’m the man here. That’s right. I call the shots!!! Dammit there are soo many things I want to laugh about but I can’t because I’d feel bad. Let me ask you this.. is there anyone you HAVEN’T slept with? No? I didn’t think so. Oh well, there is me…*ahem* but our meeting tonight should fix that right up. Unless Stats will be there. Will she? I hope not. Don’t you think you see each other often enough? Notice Stats is nice and slim. Is that a hint? Stupid whore. Men are all despicable. Ah. Must work on wrapping you up more. Quite the task. Very resiliant to the power I possess. Not sure what it takes to crack your shell. Maybe pain? Who knows. I will discover. FYI. I will be kicking your package sometime in the near future. Please do not wear protection of any sort, this may skew results I desire.
Well you ask for humor. I have no humor in my life. You should know that. So I resorted to making fun of you. Thank you for the ride by the way. Very appreciated. P.S You're a whore. Feel free to hit me with your car. I know you want to. But then, I'm so huge, I will flatten your car. Better if you rent a crane or something and drop me in the ocean but that's bad, too.
I hope you are prepared for what ensues with the unbuttoning of the suit. *gets ready to pounce* Oh honey, do you know what you've gotten yourself into? HAHA. Jk. You need training.
hhhokay. - Monday, May. 03, 2004 - 7:50 a.m.
back to the meaningless... - Friday, Apr. 30, 2004 - 10:28 a.m.
YAAAY! - Tuesday, Apr. 27, 2004 - 9:11 p.m.
NOH! - Monday, Apr. 26, 2004 - 11:03 p.m.
hallucinogenic - Sunday, Apr. 25, 2004 - 12:56 a.m.
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call up the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
Next Thanksgiving, here is a fun trick to play: When the mashed potatoes and turkey are being served, take some of both. But hide your turkey under your mashed potatoes. When your family asks "Don't you want some turkey?," pull the turkey out from under the mashed potatoes and yell "I tricked you!!"
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
Probably the worst thing about having King Kong go rampid in your town would be the huge, monster genitalia.
As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.
If when you die you get a choice between pie heaven and regular heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick but if not mmmboy