the present
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Mkay. You know this goddamned game me and Wee Wee play with people? FUCK I'm playing TWO right now!!! Okay, this guy wants to date the BOTH of us at the same time. This guy is phenomenally HOTTTTTT...like he makes me O just looking at him. I swear to God I want him. But then he plays this game too, so the instant we start getting close, I'm going to freak out, and so is Wee Wee, and we're all going to back off! How the FUCK am I going to get married or even fall in love with someone if I'm like this??? AHHH SAVE ME. And then this other, I swear he hates me. Or something. I'm getting these ill vibes and they're really making me uneasy. I hate when people start pulling away because then I get that stupid fear of abandonement kicking in. Like if I'm freaking you out, PLEASE TELL ME and I'll leave you alone! Don't do it silently. Why can't I just find someone to love me? IS IT THAT DIFFICULT? ALL I WANT IS LOVE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO TOUCH ME, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE ME ANY (although I wouldn't complain), I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED!!!!!!!!!!!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!!!! Actually, maybe it is...
I hate this stupid game. I'm never going to win with ANYONE.
Maybe I should lose some damned fat. Stupid FAT me.
hhhokay. - Monday, May. 03, 2004 - 7:50 a.m.
back to the meaningless... - Friday, Apr. 30, 2004 - 10:28 a.m.
YAAAY! - Tuesday, Apr. 27, 2004 - 9:11 p.m.
NOH! - Monday, Apr. 26, 2004 - 11:03 p.m.
hallucinogenic - Sunday, Apr. 25, 2004 - 12:56 a.m.
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.
If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call up the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
Next Thanksgiving, here is a fun trick to play: When the mashed potatoes and turkey are being served, take some of both. But hide your turkey under your mashed potatoes. When your family asks "Don't you want some turkey?," pull the turkey out from under the mashed potatoes and yell "I tricked you!!"
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
Probably the worst thing about having King Kong go rampid in your town would be the huge, monster genitalia.
As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.
I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.
If when you die you get a choice between pie heaven and regular heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick but if not mmmboy